Year 2 & The Compassionate Veil of Anger

As the days entered and retreated, summoning another year's rise and set, my footsteps reveal I often walked my precious life surrounded by Anger's shiny veil.

Glistening against my everyday, Anger spoke to me in bursts of hurtful memories and stories of what should have been.

Ignoring Anger was my first retaliation. "I won't feed you, Anger!" I cried. "I don't have time for you!" I exclaimed.

I then began pleading with Anger. "Please let me be." I begged. "Please set me free."

Relentless in its power, however, I had to finally surrendered to Anger's existence. I braced myself for the long, cold stare of Anger's hurtful gaze, terrified.

As I slowly faced the eyes of Anger, it was not as I had thought. Its power did not burn me or destroy me - or destroy the love that I had. Anger was there - but so was I.

So, I walked with Anger for a while. I allowed it to be seen and felt. I admitted it was part of my life, part of me. When Sadness tried to take over, I would push it away so Anger could regain its hold. Somehow, it felt easier to be with Anger; I felt more in control.

Then, one Spring day, as I was Blissfully bathing in Sunshine's caring warmth, Peace and Stillness joined me in a perfect moment. I closed my eyes to dance with Joy, when suddenly, I caught a glimpse of Anger carefully lifting its veil. "Are you leaving me, Anger?" I asked quietly. "Am I free of you now?"

As Anger looked back at me, I saw a glimmer of compassion in its eyes. My confusion was solved immediately as I realized that beneath Anger's veil was the pure, pulsing pain of heart-stricken Grief, glowing for attention, glowing to be seen.

As I locked eyes with Anger, I tearfully realized the ironic compassion it had, protecting me from the deepest Agony any human can bear.

Now that my awareness has expanded, Anger's veil can no longer protect me from my Agony, my deepest Grief. Some days I actually miss Anger, as it helped me live my life and care for my family when pure Grief would have simply paralyzed me to non-existence.

So, it's just me and Grief now - coexisting in a beautiful life. I respect it and give it the attention and care it needs. And, in exchange, it sometimes gives me a memory or feeling that makes me smile, laugh, and feel happy again. Grief reminds me that I have truly lived and loved - and that is more powerful than Forever.

Do not map your life by how much time has passed by, rather, map it by how much you have felt, and loved. - Rumi